for susie

Young Gavin Rossdale! Marilyn! So genderqueer and cute!

Actual content soon, I promise.

the teaches of peaches

PEACHES, HOLY CRAP. Best show of my life, hands down. And I have been to many shows. Just not ones so… freakin’ badass. She crowdsurfed! I touched her knee! Also, seeing Peaches in a pink leather one-piece with giant sleeves of the future, standing on top of the crowd, singing? Three feet away from my FACE? Amazing.

I have many thoughts about the teaches of peaches, many of which are not for this blog. But something I do want to blog about – women performers in nude jumpsuits. Throughout the show, Peaches took off layers of one-pieces/leotards (and added crazy capes/jackets/armwarmers depending on the song). Finally, she got down to a nude, sleeveless bodysuit (also a tiny belt which had a flashing LED over her clit – but hey, it’s Peaches). Nude without being nude.

This might not be a post on its own, but I have also been listening to the new Dragonette album a lot this week. The title song, “Fixin to Thrill,” happens to have an exceedingly awesome (fourth-wall-breaking!) video in which the frontwoman, Martina Sorbara, wears a tight nude shirt and tights, and draws her silhouette/features on her body.

I’m really intrigued by this revealing-without-revealing, especially when considering Peaches, who has historically been known for flashing a lot of skin. The video I’m embedding below is one of her tamer ones (she and Iggy Pop kill zombies!), and yet I still hesitated about linking to it because I don’t think any of her videos are safe for work (no criticism here!). Yet Peaches is wearing more than, say, Britney Spears or Lady Gaga in this video – she has on a jacket, bra, and hot pants, and keeps the jacket on for the first half of the video. Her body is not perfectly toned, although it would be harder to be more perfectly toned than Iggy Pop in any case. Her lyrics are often sexual; in this as in many other videos, she grabs her crotch to assert that point.

Why are we afraid of a sexuality that’s not for us, one that’s not about eliciting our desire but about asserting hers? If a man were performing this role, would we find it objectionable? Why do I feel better about embedding “Kick It” than the video for “Set It Off,” in which Peaches simulates masturbation and has visible (and progressively more ridiculous) pubic hair?

Why are we equally surprised by a body that is both offered to us and denied to us, like Martina Sorbara’s in the video for “Fixin to Thrill” or Peaches’ costumes last night? A body which refuses our gaze and/or mocks it?

Thinky thoughts, for sure.

One last note: The first zombie that Iggy Pop pushes off is a skinny, blonde girl in a revealing bikini with a perfect, tanned body. I can’t help but think that was a deliberate choice.

look! an on-topic post!

Shrödinger’s Rapist: or a guy’s guide to approaching strange women without being maced.

Now, you want to become acquainted with a woman you see in public. The first thing you need to understand is that women are dealing with a set of challenges and concerns that are strange to you, a man. To begin with, we would rather not be killed or otherwise violently assaulted.

“But wait! I don’t want that, either!”

Well, no. But do you think about it all the time? Is preventing violent assault or murder part of your daily routine, rather than merely something you do when you venture into war zones? Because, for women, it is. When I go on a date, I always leave the man’s full name and contact information written next to my computer monitor. This is so the cops can find my body if I go missing. My best friend will call or e-mail me the next morning, and I must answer that call or e-mail before noon-ish, or she begins to worry. If she doesn’t hear from me by three or so, she’ll call the police. My activities after dark are curtailed. Unless I am in a densely-occupied, well-lit space, I won’t go out alone. Even then, I prefer to have a friend or two, or my dogs, with me. Do you follow rules like these?

So when you, a stranger, approach me, I have to ask myself: Will this man rape me?

Yeah.

My AWESOME housemate got us tickets to see Peaches on Friday. I am really excited. I feel like there is a post about Peaches forthcoming on this blog. But not today. Instead, I will link you to this ridiculous video (not entirely safe for work?), in which Peaches sings and Feist makes out with a bicycle. Seriously. They used to be roommates.

tonight was the most amazing night of my life

I danced to “Don’t Stop Believin’” with my rector. Who was wearing a scary eighties prom dress (with a butt bow!). And I drank spiked punch.

Prom-themed Stewardship Friday, you will go on and on and on and on in my heart!

I love my church so much.

topics for after finals are done consuming my soul and thoughts about writing

Predictably, whenever there are a billion other things I should be doing, I have tons of things I want to write about. I will make a list here so I can come back to it when I am overcome by post-finals turkey-induced ennui.

- women/women of color/poc in sci-fi (I know Joy wants to read this!)
- (un)hottest things ever (also known as, when boys call me “smart” as a compliment instead of actually engaging in an intelligent conversation with me, I know they only want in my pants. on the other hand — )
- when old dudes won’t SHUT THE FUCK UP and talk even when they know nothing in group situations (church book club/buffy discussion group, for example) and how I do not know how to deal with that aside from raising my voice in a manner in which I feel is rude. On the bright side, book club is at MY place next month, and I am going to make everybody hold the stick when they talk. NO ONE talks without holding the stick. Because apparently, we are in preschool.

One thing I do want to say before I forget about it: I was helping the ex-boyfriend through several revisions of his NSF application over the course of the week, and I made many a note in the margins. (I only discovered Track Changes in MS Word this year, and can I just say, it is my FAVORITE THING EVER?????) Anyway, he had a lot of sentences where I was like “there is no reason for these words to be this big” or “ACTIVE VERBS” or “you are an engineer, stop using the word ‘green,’ this is not Real Simple, ok.” Admittedly, the last issue is not germane to this discussion.

He pointed out that these things are easier for me, because I write all the time. To which I was like, “really?” Because, in my head, I only count my fiction when I think about writing. If it’s a not a story, it’s not really writing, in my book. However, I do write in my online journal all the time. Sometimes, multiple times a day, even if it’s just to say, this icon is the best icon ever (made by timewaslost @ LJ):

Also, I write a lot of papers.

I am generally reluctant to call myself a writer, because I always feel like everything I write is too short and TRAGICALLY UN-EPIC. However, this realization makes me happy and filled with the joy of the Medusa. Or something.

This is why the internet is great. (See: Here Comes Everybody by Clay Shirky, which you should read.) WE CAN ALL BE WRITERS. HINT HINT HINT, my feminist theory compatriots!

tonight’s class, unrelated things

I was really tired tonight and bleaaaaaaaah because of my cold, and I don’t think I had any coherent comments I could have made that I didn’t. I was also quiet tonight because, frankly, the topics we touched on are very triggering for me.

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Cyborgs: still a BAD METAPHOR. Moving on now…

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Lastly – I do in fact write things that are not Buffy-related. If you’re interested in my original fiction, a short story that I wrote for Imaginary Beasts #15 is available in the IB archive here: gloves. The text is all by me, but the illustrations were done by coffeebased @ LJ, whose art I love. And yes, I do go by yet another name on the internets. I think three is my limit. I am maxed out. (But if you’re curious about what my tattoo says, now you know!)

of colds, romantic aspirations, sci-fi heroines, and DARK WILLOW

(Remember how I was like, I’m totally not going to talk about Buffy in this blog? That was a lie. But there is way less Buffy here than in my other blog, so there!)

My brain was totally on vacation last night, so I’m going to try to read the articles for today again before class. Colds are so annoying. Also, soy milk with Hershey’s Special Dark syrup? Cannot compare to the same with whole milk, but I am off the dairy sauce until I stop being so mucousy. For someone who loves dairy, this is akin to torture. MIIIIIILK. I could be in one of those ads.

Due to recent singleness, I have recently been pondering whether or not I should look for the qualities I think I want in a partner or embrace them for myself. I could be a butch, leather-wearing, motorcycle-riding Ph.D. candidate! Unfortunately, when I shared this with friends, they giggled and said, “Sorry, Olga. You are way too lipstick.”

That wasn’t even my problem with this plan. How I am going to ride a motorcycle if I don’t even drive a car?

I guess that’s going on the backburner.

Admittedly, as I expressed to my friend Rebecca, I’m pretty sure that my checklist is an improbable conflation of patriarchy blamin’, cradle Anglican, and Spike. Still, I’ll keep looking. There must be one out there. Maybe even one with a sexy accent. Who knows all the words to the secret handshake Easter hymn that I don’t even know all the words to.

I wrote an essay a while back, for a book collecting contest, about women in science fiction. I should probably track that down and post it, because it’s, uh, a HIGHLY AWESOME list.

In conclusion: I spent way too much time looking at Dark Willow fanvids last night in an effort to explain to my ex-boyfriend why Dark Willow is so much more badass than regular Willow, even if she is all veiny. (Although, problematic trope at in play here (see: Evil Magical Lesbian), which, while I think worked on the show – the show is in the context of real life, Joss! And real prejudice! Jeez.) Anyway, seriously, why are all of these fanvids SO BAD? Sigh. I guess I know what I’ll be doing once I get the hang of Adobe Premiere Pro (my project for the December intersession). Remember how I keep talking about conferences? VividCon is right here in Chicago in August and I am totally going to go. I am SO SAD that I missed the Bechdel test show this year!

random thoughts & links

(I actually spend a lot of time coming up with silly tags for my posts. If you are curious about my new tag for jesus-posts, “faith (sans evil serape),” well… [video] )

Jack, our intern at church, gave a great sermon this morning about Ruth, being in the Vagina Monologues at Notre Dame, and the boldness of women as the backbone of the church. The book of Ruth is one of my favorites in the bible. I would say that it ties with the Gospel of Matthew, which is also the one that got made into a musical <3. (We should have a performance of Godspell at my church. It would be awesome.)

Following some linkes for info on the house passing the new health care bill, I ended up finding this great review of Karen Armstrong’s new book, The Case for God, which I am now going to have to buy ASAP. I think I mentioned in class a while ago (when we were reading the Evelyn Fox Keller essay?) that I feel really, really strongly about science and religion being unmixy things. Armstrong’s book makes a great argument for that; the review on DailyKos is great, so I recommend reading it even if you think you’ll probably give the book a pass. This might motivate me to read Plato’s Apology again in Greek. Or maybe not.

I was looking for the picture I’ll link to a moment, and found an excellent blog post from a while back that might provide some food for thought for y’all: Non-Survivor Privilege and Silence. The first statement she makes is perhaps the heart of the post:

Once you survive abuse or violation, you have a knowledge of the human capacity for nastiness that others around you don’t share.

Sigh.

I’m having a poopy weekend for mental health. Fortunately, I have wonderful, patient friends who are being helpful and supportive of my crazy self. Tonight, I am taking it easy, reading fun stuff, eating delicious pot stickers, and cuddling with my friend Cat’s cat (no, seriously). I just keep reminding myself that if I take one thing at a time, it will all get done, and I only have to worry about one thing at a time.

Here’s something happy with which to conclude my post: my grandma and Amelia Earhart (plus a bunch of other young women in science). Grandma is the person farthest on the left; also, Purdue University, B.S., class of 1939! She passed away in 2008, and I miss her greatly. She was hard of hearing, loud, and bossy. The resemblance is clear.

stuff I actually read as opposed to ignoring vehemently

stuff I actually read on a regular basis because it brings joy and gladness to my heart (or at least, warms it with the purifying fire of snark):
- smart bitches, trashy books: not only an awesome blog about romance novels, also great to follow if you’re interested in developments in ebooks/digital publishing. ( During the lull in my fandom life, I devoured every vampire romance novel I could get my hands on. Lesson learned: you can actually get burned out on vampire romance novels. Also, vampire mind control ain’t no excuse for dubious consent. Bitch, please.)
- I Blame The Patriarchy – Jill is a friend of a friend of a friend and used to write for the Riverfront Times in STL. I often disagree with her, but I love her posts. She is so cranky. I am cranky, too. Anything that has the disclaimer “intended for advanced patriarchy-blamers” is all right by me.
- On The Table: sermons from Christ Church Cathedral, St. Louis. Mike, the current provost, was my chaplain the first semester I was at college, and is the reason I am a member of the Episcopal Church. His sermons, especially, are great. But everyone is great! My love for the Diocese of Missouri knows no bounds. I miss y’all.
- Imperfectly Vertical: a criminal defense attorney and writer blogs about life in New Orleans.

I was also reading a blog which documented the HORRIBLE HORRIBLE urban blight in North St. Louis, but it was too depressing and I had to stop. (WHO THE FUCK STEALS BRICKS??? I AM NEVER GOING TO UNDERSTAND THIS.) Every time it updated, I wanted to (a) cry and (b) move back to St. Louis and kick some ass. I am kicking ass for you from afar, my adopted home city!

If you are going, my, Olga, that is not many blogs, you are forgetting my other internet life full of the true, true passion of Spike and Buffy. And also Kanye West memes.

Now I will return to my current Saturday night pastime, eminently suitable to a recently-single young lady in her twenties: hemming my BEST VINTAGE FIND EVER and listening to iTunes on shuffle. (Oh, Laura Ashley dress, you have been waiting since 1993 for me to find you, behold your true beauty, and chop a foot and a half off your skirt!)

Edit: oops. Apparently I’m going for a Slutsgiving 1993 look. I think that adding some lace to the hem might help. And really opaque tights.

conferences (I promise the vampires are academically relevant)

Successful day at the library today! Man, I whine about the library a lot, but they have a ton of awesome new books on disability theory/PWD/women & disability. Today’s AWESOME find (while checking in books): Digital Disability: The Social Construction of Disability in New Media! Not only is this freakin’ awesome, it’s also perfect for a paper that I’m writing. Other library loot: Gilead (it’s been rec’d to me by about a billion people; I keep confusing it with The Handmaid’s Tale), Creating Mental Illness (right up my alley!), and What Would Buffy Do? The Vampire Slayer as Spiritual Guide (I am morbidly curious, in addition to being mildly appalled).

I’m a tiny bit stressed because, in addition to finishing my final project/papers for my two classes, I also need to whip up two abstracts for Slayage (OMG I AM SO EXCITED) and 11th Annual Graduate Symposium on Womens and Gender History. The papers are due on 11/18 & 11/21; the cfp deadlines are, respectively, 12/1 and 11/15. On the bright side, I am pretty sure that I know all about what I want to submit for the latter conference (19th c. narratives of mental health stuff). For Slayage, I have some ideas, but there is SO MUCH literature reviewing I have to do. Thank goodness for Thanksgiving weekend, no pun intended!

(Also, my fellow graduate students? You should totally be submitting abstracts to the Graduate Symposium, too! It’s at UIUC, so not too far away. We could carpool. If you have a car.)

I really want to go to WisCon, but I have a feeling that WisCon is just not in the cards this year because it’s so close to Slayage. WisCon is every year and Slayage is not, so I know where my priorities lie. :/

Also, if it is not totally obvious? Olga == nerdcore.

I will conclude this post with a link to Kate Beaton, whom I adore, and you will, too: DUDE WATCHIN’ WITH THE BRONTES.